Real Confidence is Not…
We’re in Part 2 of a new series called DIY, Do It Yourself. We talked last time about confidence and what it means to be a confident person. Real confidence is the name of the game. In Part 2, we are going to look at a few misconceptions about confidence.
In a sense, it’s kind of a donut hole topic, we’ll focus here on what real confidence is not, just like a donut hole. Or maybe it’s the idea of a confidence imposter-phony qualities of confidence. Attitudes that may look like confidence but are not- a sort of counterfeit kind of thing.
We’re going negative in this post, but I promise we won’t stay there long. And before we disappear into the confectionary darkness, let’s review our definition of confidence just for kicks. Here it is:
“Confidence is the belief that we have the internal resources to do the right thing or succeed regardless of the situation. Confidence is a feeling of certainty we can accomplish a task or objective. Confidence gives us courage when we need it. Courage to succeed.”
Confidence creates the space we need to make decisions, even difficult ones, that propel us forward in life. If you look at confidence this way, you’ll see how confidence is key to just about everything we do. We want to be confident, strong and decisive. We want to live life to the fullest. Confidence is a life skill that helps us get there.
Looking at the donut hole is helpful for us, because by doing so, we gain a better understanding of what it means to be confident. Seeing the donut hole helps define for us what it means to be genuinely confident.
So here’s our donut hole- three things confidence is not:
- Real Confidence is not False Confidence. False confidence means our confidence is not based on facts. It’s a non-reality kind of thing. It’s an issue of misinformed confidence- building our confidence on shadows instead of what is real. False confidence puffs out the chest, but it’s a bluff. There is nothing there beneath the bravado. When the time comes for us to act with courage, there is only failure in a time of need. Not good.
- Real Confidence is not Over Confidence. Overconfidence makes a mountain out of a molehill. It is confidence exaggerated, but it cannot be trusted any more than false confidence, because an exaggerated certainty is still wrong. Supreme confidence by itself is not enough. Over confidence isn’t enough to rely on in a time of need. Real confidence is not the mustering up of feelings, it’s the gathering of strengths and experience to empower us in life. Big difference. Overconfidence denies reality, real confidence flourishes in reality.
- Real Confidence is not a Lack of Faith. Some see confidence as an issue of faith or lack of faith. For some self-confidence means relying on oneself, instead of God, which is a form of unbelief. Therefore, self-confidence is a bad thing. This school of thought maintains it is sinful or prideful to have confidence in our own abilities because it is trusting in the flesh (our human nature- mind, body and emotions).
I don’t agree. With respect to the Augustinians out there, faith isn’t really the issue here. Confidence is not a spiritual issue; it’s a human coping issue. And more than being an issue, self-confidence is a strategy for approaching life in a healthy way. It’s strategery. Confidence doesn’t need to be in conflict with what it means to be a spiritual person, it’s simply a tactic for relying on judgment and personal fortitude to succeed when the pressure is on.
Okay, so that’s enough donut hole for now, time to wrap this up. Or should I say box it up with the other donuts? Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
I wanted to touch on what confidence is not because there are a lot of wrong ideas about confidence that can set us back if we don’t understand what it means to be a confident person. Next time we’ll discuss ways to be more confident and how to develop confidence. We’ll see you next time in DIY Confidence Part 3.
Have a great week!
Ernie